What kind of father did you have? Family Constellations.

In the process of healing with ancestors, many women and men encounter situations such as: - I missed my father... - He was absent - I didn't know/couldn't get close to him - We couldn't communicate - The relationship was disastrous - The version was so unbelievable that I look for it in my partners.

Take the father](/img/take-the-father.webp)

Our physical fathers reflect our communication with the unconscious: the father our outer communication, that is, what comes to us through universe outside of us, symbolically, as interconnected with us as the inner. And our mother, our internal communication, through emotions.

Both are one and are projected into our life. There can be nothing outside that does not reflect the inside and nothing inside that does not have an external reflection.

The unconscious has two ways of communicating with us: one, internal, through emotions (mother) and the other, external, through the symbolism of what happens outside (father).

The father ceases to be absent from our life when it has a "script", that is to say, we find meaning in it.

Does your father recognize you, approve of you, accept you, bless you?

What is the psychoemotional role of fathers in women's lives? Fathers are very important in everyone's life, from them we draw strength, confidence, limit management, personal power.

From a Freudian point of view, the father is her first love, in a figurative sense. Thus the daughter transfers the image of daddy to the man she loves, if daddy was functional it is likely that the woman will feel inclined to repeat the experience and look for/find a psychologically healthy man.

That is, if dad was a warm man, aware of the daughter's psychological as well as physical needs (shelter, food, doctors, schools, entertainment, affection, respect for the healthy development of the daughter's individuality, her need to belong to the family group, the evolution of her attachments), she is likely to feel inclined to repeat the experience and look for a psychologically healthy man, first to parents and siblings, then to friends and, later, to the boyfriend who will take her outside the family nucleus), then she, as it is easy to imagine, will want and will be able to find in another man the very healthy characteristics that make up the father's personality and that reflect her feelings of life towards men. Unfortunately, while the latter does happen, it is not the generality. Another benefit of having a "good father" is to develop high levels of independence and, when it comes to having a boyfriend, to delay the initiation of sexual life.

What kind of father did you have? #

The Physically Absent Absent fathers generate daughters in need of a partner and with a terrible fear of abandonment. They will surely look for dependent relationships where neither love nor attention from the other person will ever be enough, to increase the wound they will look for people who are not very committed and who have the sign on their forehead "I will abandon you". In these cases it is extremely important to work on detachment.

The Emotional Absentee (also applies to the physically absent).

A relationship of emotional abandonment with the father in early childhood or puberty can cause women who are successful in many areas to have disastrous lives in relation to love, relationships and all things emotional. An egocentric father, who is dedicated to seeking what he needs, finds it difficult to see the emotional needs of others, and is unaware that his wife and children need him.

With such a father as a child you only feel or sense that you were not loved or accepted as your little being needed, thus you develop behaviors based on the behaviors and messages of others towards you, in this case, your father and mother, including the conflict they lived as a couple.

All this shaped your personality, which we will call dysfunctional, because in the present it does not work, it does not manage to help you to be happy, to love yourself, to convince you that you are loved, and for that reason, you do not choose men who know how to love, that is, who already know how to love themselves, and accept who they are (without judgments), who accept others, who do not live only focused on what they want for themselves. Men who have learned to listen to themselves and to others, that as they mature as people their level of tolerance also increases, that is, that they accept that in life you do not always get what you want in the way you want it, that they know that women communicate and understand life in a different way than men.

It is also important to see what happens with the mother... if she also lives with a distant partner, it is certain that she is not connected in an adequate way with that man, much less with the needs of the children. The daughter will have a relationship with the mother exaggerated in resentment, believing (perhaps unconsciously) that it was she who did not allow the father to get closer to the daughter when she was little, or did not ask him to. She may become a woman who believes that men are bad, just because they are men, some women may become people who are only interested in making a profit from men, perhaps a way of charging the father-man for not being with her.

The Controller Generates submissive and obedient women. Afraid to let go and take responsibility for their lives. They act like little girls looking for approval and care. Generally look for controlling and macho men. They tend to suffer a lot in their relationships. They must work intensely on their self-esteem and personal development.

The violent man Generates submissive women and victims of aggression. They tend to be conflictive and not very responsible with their personal safety. It is very important to work on the management of limits and personal care, as well as to show new relationship options.

**She generates the feeling that she is the ideal figure and does not allow the woman to select her partner in a healthy way. With her it would be necessary to work on cutting the energetic bond and detachment. Then she could choose her partner without false expectations. In general, the ideal is to know how to let go of the role of submissive girls and act responsibly as adults and take from the father figure what is needed.

Another woman in the father's life The most frequent reactions are sadness, depression, resentment, anger, fear, pain, desire for revenge, suicidal feelings, psychosomatic illnesses, running away from home, unwanted pregnancies, use of toxic substances, low grades, dropping out of school.

Divorced Parents Here the parent in his or her self-centered grief can only see his or her anger and pain at the loss. Until the father sheds the anger he feels toward the ex-wife, he will not be emotionally available to the daughter. Divorced fathers often become a presence through gifts, a trip to the mall, a phone call, but this will not fill the physical and loving void of the father that the daughter needs.

When reviewing a woman's self-esteem, it is important to review her mother's and even her grandmother's, because not only physical traits are inherited, but also emotional voids. Thinking of our ancestors, great-grandmothers, grandmothers and mothers who have tolerated infidelities we will say that when a woman tolerates infidelity of the husband, her worth decreases and self-esteem is on the floor, and at the same time that low self-esteem is transmitted to the children, and in adulthood they will seek toxic relationships, and will seek to repeat the story of the mother, who in every relationship looks for the father, the understanding father, who takes care of her, who fills her with pampering and care that the father did not provide.

It is important to ask ourselves if we have toxic relationships what makes us look for the father and his lack of love in each relationship.

How do we begin to heal our paternal lineage? #

It is essential to go to the origin of family entanglements because that is where the roots of our pain lie. If there is something to repair, let's not waste time and let's do it. Reconcile with the father figure and be grateful simply because he gave you life. Venture to live in an emotionally healthy way. Take care of yourself by properly managing your emotions.

The presence of parental reconciliation in your life makes you independent. All detachment is accompanied by a sense of inner peace.

For women who have paternal experiences of an unhealthy nature, a spiritual reconciliation gives you a sense of protection that also acts as a stabilizing factor, which is the very thing that the father would give you: stability, security, strength, support.

• Give yourself permission for the proper detachment of your child to this mental figure.**_ _In short, these things that mark the life and the heart, have to be expressed, talked about, unburdened. It is necessary to take it all out so that new things can be born inside.
• If there is something to repair, let's not waste time and let's do it. Reconcile with the father figure and be grateful simply because he gave you life.
• Let's do it for ourselves. Venture to live in an emotionally healthy way. Take care of yourself by properly managing your emotions.
• For women who have father experiences of an unhealthy nature, a spiritual reconciliation gives you a sense of protection that also acts as a stabilizing factor, which is the very thing that the father would give you: stability, security, strength, support. Give yourself permission for the proper detachment of your child to this father image.

Letter to help heal the paternal lineage #

I honor my male lineage and I honor you daddy, for being the patient farmer of my soul for, having sown your seed, you cultivated it from your place as you were able, uniting with me through the love you were able to give me.I thank you daddy because from you I have learned how to protect me, provide for me, care for me, and guide me, you opened my eyes to the world, thank you for your gifts and your shortcomings, and for the gifts and shortcomings of your male lineage which is mine, we chose each other to learn from that experience. I look at you and I take them all as they were. I take responsibility for all that I accepted and integrated in me as true. I acknowledge that you did your job to the best of your ability and resources and we both fulfilled the soul contract we agreed upon. I forgive any suffering we co-created and I thank myself and you for the lessons we learned from it. I release any history of pain, fear, anger, sadness that was generated in our relationship and whatever it was I look at it with a nod, leave it behind and take it as strength. I take you as my true father as you are in every dimension and please take me as your true child. Today I am as I am thanks to your contribution to my life, everything I need to correct and improve is already my work, I take responsibility for myself and I recognize that what I want to change or continue depends only on my decision. Thanks to all that as it was I have come this far and I have become an adult, today I leave it with you and I assume my process and the responsibility to heal with all the men of my path what has been left pending with you. Now I look at you with respect, and I give you your place as worthy men, so I take mine as a woman and I respect myself in my dignity, I leave with you your story with mom, they gave me life, thank you dad you are the great ones and that is only yours, now I see you and from my honor towards you I say to you: enough is enough.Bless me dad if I look at my man and am looked at by him with good eyes and if I love and am loved from a better place as a partner _ From today I integrate you and all the men in my life in any relationship, with respect in my sacred masculine, in my new and loving and present.
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