Family Constellations: The Impact of the Unsaid in your Life?
Published July 29, 2025
"What is silenced in one generation, the body shouts out in the next." - Bert Hellinger
✨ Introduction: What is not said, is repeated
To belong to a family is to share a story. But what if that story were incomplete? In every family system there are silences, secrets, unsaid facts that act as invisible forces guiding decisions, emotions and destinies. Have you ever felt strangely blocked, without knowing why? It may not be yours. You may be carrying something that doesn't belong to you.
Family secrets don't disappear. They become illnesses, conflicts, ruptures, anxiety or patterns that repeat over and over again. Family Constellations, created by Bert Hellinger and developed by therapists like Stephan Hausner, allow us to look at what has been excluded, and bring order and peace back into the family system.
- ⚡️ What are family secrets (and why do they affect you even if you don't know it?)
Family secrets are hidden information, often out of shame, guilt, fear or protection. Even if they are not spoken, the family system registers them as a disturbance in the order. And what the system detects, it tries to balance.
Hidden abortions
Unacknowledged infidelities
Illegitimate children
Suicides
Abuse
Mental Illness
Scams or crimes
These events, when not integrated with love, become burdens that affect the descendants.
- 🚫 Examples of common family secrets (and their invisible effects).
A grandfather who was imprisoned and is never spoken about.
A child given up for adoption and hidden.
An aunt with a psychiatric diagnosis hidden from the family story.
These silences can manifest themselves in grandchildren with a sense of not belonging, emotional blocks, conflicting partner choices or illnesses without apparent cause.
- 💥 The energy of secrecy: how the unspoken works
As Stephan Hausner states, the body often expresses what the word does not say. The excluded information does not disappear: it is somatized or repeated. The secret is a living charge within the system.
- ❤️ Impact on daily life: relationships, emotions and health
Family secrets generate:
Anxiety without apparent cause
Unconscious guilt
Relationship problems
Addictions
Chronic illnesses
Feelings of unworthiness
- ♻️ Patterns that repeat: the family soul seeks order
The family system seeks to integrate the excluded. Thus, a grandchild may repeat the story of a grandparent who was never spoken of. This is called invisible loyalty. The soul says: "I carry it for you".
- 🌟 When should a secret come out (and when should it not)?
Not all secrets need to be revealed verbally. But all need to be acknowledged at the soul level. The question is not, "What exactly happened?" but, "What part of this pain can I look at with love and release?"
Signs that there is a hidden secret in your system:
Feeling of uprootedness or not belonging.
Repetition of failures
Emotions that you do not understand
- 🧬 How Family Constellations help to heal secrets
A Family Constellation is not a verbal therapy. It is an experiential and transgenerational tool that allows you to look at the excluded with respect and order.
Through representations (with people or figures) hidden loyalties are revealed and everyone is given back their place. The result is a deep sense of relief, belonging and inner peace.
Family secrets are not the enemy. They are frozen memories waiting to be seen. And when they are looked at with love, they cease to condition our lives.
The good news is that you can start today. You don't need to know the whole story to set yourself free. You just need to have the courage to look back with respect, and take your place in life with love and awareness.
🔗 If you're ready to heal your story:
Schedule an Online Family Constellation session with me.
With love,
Alejandra Leon
